99. When the will hasn't got the power

you can do it. can you do it? do you want to do it? arrrgh.

Hello. I’m Lou Blaser, and you’re reading We’re All Getting Older, a newsletter about getting better and living our best selves in midlife.

My dear reader friend,

I asked a couple of friends the other day, “If you had the choice, would you rather take meds for life or change your lifestyle to cure an ailment?”

The answer from both? Meds for life. 🫢

I get it. Not only is it a tall order to give up the things we enjoy. It’s hard to change a lifetime of habits that we’ve perfected to suit the person we are today. If you told me I’d have to quit my coffee habit, I don’t know if I can do it! ¹

Excluding the very real issue of substance addiction — which often requires external help to overcome — breaking up with our lifestyle habits requires a tremendous amount of willpower.²

Made this with DALL-E

A popular psychology theory (detailed in this NY Times bestseller, Willpower: Rediscover the Greatest Human Strength) is that we have an internal reserve of mental energy — the fuel for our willpower — that gets depleted throughout the day.

At the risk of over-simplifying the theory:

Every decision or chore we complete (from choosing carrots over chips to being nice to our in-laws) draws from an internal reserve. The theory suggests this is why it’s hard to stick to our goals toward the end of the day. We’ve used up all our reserves; the tank is empty. Any work that needs our willpower is out of luck. So, we should just hit reset and try again tomorrow. BTW, this is called the ego-depletion theory.

But but but… newer studies suggest we’ve been thinking about willpower all wrong and that this theory may not even be true!

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When Shara Haberman’s husband was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, Shara threw herself into work, researching and studying natural ways to help him manage — maybe even reverse — the disease.

Shara learned a lot about healthy eating and eventually changed her own dietary and lifestyle habits. Her husband? Not quite.

My sense is Shara looked at the change as something positive she was doing to better herself, whereas her husband took it more as giving up foods he enjoyed. What do you think?

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Why is our willpower strong sometimes and close to non-existent at other times — regardless of the time of day?

Whether it’s about giving up the sugar, being more patient, working out, or sitting on our butts to write (ok, that’s me) — there are days we feel very much “in control” and can stick to our guns with no problem. And there are days we might as well go back to bed and start over.

The ego-depletion theory suggests that we have a finite resource that needs to be refilled every day. Further neuroscience research, however, rejects this earlier work and suggests our willpower acts more like an emotion.

Just as we don’t “run out” of joy or anger, willpower ebbs and flows based on what’s happening to us and how we feel. Viewing willpower through this lens has profound implications. (Source)

This means that just like our other emotions, we can understand and manage our willpower — instead of being held hostage by the idea of a limited mental energy tank.

Bottom Line:

What if, instead of saying we don't have the willpower to do something, we ask ourselves why we feel that way? Treat the weak or lack of willpower as a feeling that's signaling something.

Maybe we’re tired. Maybe we’re bored. Maybe we don’t think we have the skills to do it. Maybe we’re forcing ourselves to do something that isn’t important to us or isn’t in line with our true goals.

The truth is we give up on things that don't engage us. We can power through unenjoyable tasks for a while, but we’ll never be our best if we ignore what our feelings are telling us.

🏷 Health, Joy, & Well-Being

💭 muse

“You decide your own level of involvement.” — Chuck Palahniuk

🍹 reader shout-out

Shout out to WAGO reader

Lee Ann Prescott

, who writes Inspiration Stories, home of the Flag Oracle. She offers weekly inspirational earth wisdom on creativity and a life well-lived. Her writings often leave me with food for thought and are definitely in line with our “get better as we get older” intentions here. Do check out her project on Substack.

💬 last word

Last week’s newsletter edition sparked a lot of interest, judging from the comments, email responses, and DMs I received about it. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Hearing from you ALWAYS MAKES MY DAY! So, keep ‘em coming.

A quick update on what I’m doing. I officially started the 21-Day No Complaints Challenge on April 8th. I’m actually doing it with WAGO reader

Dawna Kreis

and being each other’s accountability partner.

How mine went this week: Day 1, Day 2, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 1. Yeah. This is going to take months. 🤓

Here’s to an awesome week ahead.

Cool Beans,
Lou Blaser

1. But of course, I can. It’s just that I don’t want to!

2. This isn’t to overlook the many other factors that affect our ability to stick with lifestyle changes. Things like having access to resources, finding supportive communities, and navigating systemic barriers can all impact our journey toward better health and well-being.