Let the alarm bells go off.

No. 102: And when they do, don't ignore them!

Hello. I’m Lou Blaser, and you’re reading We’re All Getting Older, a newsletter about getting better and living our best selves in midlife.

My dear reader friend,

In the early 90s, Meryl Streep and Albert Brooks made a movie called Defending Your Life. It wasn’t a commercial hit, I don’t think, and it hardly gets mentioned in Streep’s storied filmography.

But this movie’s fantastical premise has lodged itself in my brain and has been — I’m a little embarrassed to admit — a guiding principle for many of my decisions in life.

Made this with DALL-E

Here’s a quick gist of the movie.

There won’t be any spoilers, in case you want to watch it too. Also, this is how I remember it, so beware. 😂

Both the Brooks and Streep characters, Daniel and Julia, have just died. And their souls (spirit, essence) are in this kind of after-life sorting station, along with the souls of other recently-departeds.

Each soul gets a “day in court” (imagine a typical American trial court setup) when they are shown select scenes from their lives and asked to defend their actions on Earth. The souls who pass this screening move on to a higher plane of existence. Those who don’t get to repeat their lives on Earth. (I told you it had a fantastical premise.)

Celebration and Cringe Moments

From Julia’s courtroom, you hear laughter and Whoas, applause, and Atta-girls. From Daniel’s, it’s mostly silence.

A peek inside his courtroom shows Daniel cringing when shown certain scenes of his life. The lawyer “for the prosecution” inquires about some of Daniel’s decisions and actions. He fidgets, gets red in the face. He says things like, “Well, I could have done A, but I was worried about XYZ.” About another clip, he says, “That time, I didn’t feel ready.” In another, “I didn’t feel qualified.” You get the gist.

I didn’t see this movie in the theaters. We watched it years later at home — a rented DVD from Blockbuster (remember when we used to do that?) when we couldn’t find anything better to watch.

But I remember telling myself I never ever want to be in Daniel’s shoes. I never want to have to explain why, when I got the choice to sit it out or dance, I didn’t do as Lee Ann Womack advised.¹

Daniel: “So I’m on trial for being afraid?”

His lawyer: “Well, first of all, I hate the word trial. Second of all, yes.”

We get jolted by different things at different points in our lives.

Dr. Kathy Zhang, a palliative care doctor, told me she’d witnessed many get shaken up after a near-death experience or see someone they love die — a kind of rude awakening reminding them what they truly value and what they want to do with their lives.

Some get their wake-up call when a “life quake,” to use Bruce Feiler’s word from his book Life Is In The Transitions, happens to them… a sudden plot twist in an otherwise carefully planned life that turns things upside down, and the world suddenly looks different.

I happen to get jolted by a 90s rom-com. Classic.

But whatever it is that rings that bell for us, we best not ignore it.

Confucius once said, “We have two lives. The second one begins when we realize we only have one.”

Let the alarm bells go off, and let that second one Confucious was talking about begin. Stat.

🏷 A Fulfilling Life

💭 muse

“There is no comparison between that which is lost by not succeeding and that which is lost by not trying.” — Sir Francis Bacon

👤 a midlifer in profile

Maia Duerr

is a practicing Buddhist, a rescue dog lover, and a gregarious introvert. She needs time alone to recharge but truly loves people! (I’m sure so many of us can relate to that!)

Asked about what midlife has surprised her so far, she says, “I've been pleasantly surprised that as the years go by, I give less and less of a hoot about what people think about me. The need for approval has dissolved to almost nothing, thank goodness!”

Amen to that!

Check out the rest of Maia’s profile.

🍹 reader shout-out

A huge shout-out to WAGO reader Yvonne Marchese, age agitator, author, and founder of The Age Agitators Club. This community brings together women committed to busting through their Midlife Funk to inspire, support, share our stories, and reimagine what’s possible as we grow older. Learn more about The Age Agitators Club.

💬 last word

I was mostly listening to this one as I worked on this edition, an album I used to listen to on repeat in the 90s. (Speaking of which, remember CDs?!?)

Here’s to an easeful week ahead.

Cool Beans,
Lou Blaser

P.S. If you haven’t yet, do visit The Backstage, where I share behind-the-scenes of my work and (mid)life.

P.P.S. That little audio clip at the very beginning isn’t me reading this post. It’s kind of like the author’s notes. 😉

1. This isn’t to say I have rid myself of all fears and insecurities. I only wish that were so. But when the final accounting is done, I hope my record shows far more dancing than sitting out.