Playing, When Playing is Tough

No. 119: In WTF moments, what does playing even look like?

My friend and frequent collaborator, Yvonne Marchese, talks about play often. Last year, she published a little book called In Full Bloom: A Guide to Aging Playfully, filled with daily reminders for how we can incorporate play into our days.

Dance, like no one’s watching, as they say…

Let’s face it, though. There are days when getting out of bed, let alone playing, feels like a monumental task — when life throws us those gut-punch moments, like the aftermath of a tough election or a personal setback.

So what to do when the idea of play is a tough ask?

One might say it’s on days like those that we need to push ourselves, put our shoes on, and play. Ugh. It’s easy to dismiss play as frivolous, especially when life feels heavy. But maybe it’s in those moments that play is actually most needed.

Yvonne and I recently chatted about this very thing on her podcast, Late Bloomer Living. I think we probably raised more questions than answers, though. LOL. You can listen to it below.

One thing that came out of our conversation is that play can be different things! Yvonne happens to like lacing up her rollerskates and heading to the park for a spin. That’s her style. It doesn’t have to be yours or mine. (Definitely not mine, or I’ll end up in the ER with broken bones.)

But what qualifies as play?

Yvonne often references Dr. Stuart Brown¹, who literally wrote the book on Play. He says defining play is like explaining a joke — it takes the joy out of it. The best way to understand play is to connect with its emotions.

In fact, he describes play as a state of mind rather than an activity. He explains it beautifully:

“Sometimes running is play, and sometimes it is not. What is the difference between the two? It really depends on the emotions experienced by the runner. Play is a state of mind, rather than an activity. Remember the definition of play: an absorbing, apparently purposeless activity that provides enjoyment and a suspension of self-consciousness and sense of time. It is also self-motivating and makes you want to do it again. We have to put ourselves in the proper emotional state in order to play.” — Stuart Brown, M.D.

Yvonne’s rollerskating works for her — it brings her joy and helps her lose track of time. For me, it’s getting lost in a good mystery book and, lately, dancing like no one’s watching (literally.)

Let’s pick our “play personalities.”

Dr. Brown identifies eight common play personalities or ways people naturally connect to play. Most of us are a mix of these types, but recognizing our dominant style can help us find what sparks the most joy.

The Joker. Practical joker – loves telling jokes and having a good laugh.

The Kinesthete. Loves to move – yoga, dance, sport. They think better when and feel most alive when moving.

The Explorer. Loves to try new stuff and discover new places.

The Competitor. Loves to play by creating games and playing to win.

The Director. Loves to organize stuff – throwing parties, taking others on adventures, organizing events.

The Collector. Loves to collect things or experiences.

The Artist/Creator. Loves making things – whether it’s sculpting, painting, crafts, or gardening. They need to create stuff.

The Storyteller. Love telling stories through art – novelists, screenwriters, performers.

I think identifying our play personality is a great starting point. Then, we can pick activities that feel more naturally joyful for us. The last thing we need is to force ourselves into a particular box of play. That sounds like the very opposite of play!

“The opposite of play is not work—the opposite of play is depression.”
— Stuart Brown, M.D.

I try and remember to play, especially during tough times. It’s not always easy to prioritize, but I’ve learned that it’s essential.

Play gives my brain, my nervous system, and my heart a much-needed break. It’s self-care at its most effective. When I play, I give myself a chance to recover before hopelessness takes root — because once hopelessness sets in, cynicism is never far behind, and I don’t want to live there.

This is where the idea of active hopefulness comes in. Play isn’t just about distraction or a way to pass the time. It’s a way of recharging our batteries so we can face life’s challenges with fresh energy and a bit more optimism. It’s an act of resilience — a reminder that joy and possibility still exist, even when the world feels heavy.

Reading, hiking, photography, painting, writing, knitting, gaming — any of these could be play. The key is finding what sparks joy for you. Play is whatever you love doing, no matter what anyone else thinks.

When the world feels heavy, what’s one small way you can remind yourself that joy and possibility still exist? How do you play?

🏷 Health, Joy, & Well-Being

💭 muse

“Joy is not in things; it is in us.” — Richard Wagner

🍹 reader shout-out

A huge shout-out to WAGO reader,

Alexander Lovell, PhD

, the writer behind The Reboot Retreat. He writes about reimagining our lives, healing and growing into our most authentic selves. Do check out his publication.

💬 last word

Speaking of dancing like no one’s watching, this was what I was dancing to while thinking up this essay 😂

May the odds be ever in your favor,
Lou Blaser

1. Stuart Brown, M.D. is a medical doctor, psychiatrist, clinical researcher, and the founder of the National Institute for Play. He speaks regularly to Fortune 500 companies and groups across the country on the significance of play in our lives. The producer of a three-part PBS series, The Promise of Play, he has also appeared on NPR and was featured in a front-page story in The New York Times Magazine.