80. When We Find Ourselves In Negative Situations

We have a choice to make.

☕️ the main thing

"Why don't you ever go out?", asked Graham Dashwood, the High Court judge character in the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (Madden, 2011). He asked it of Jean Ainslee, one of seven who had moved to Jaipur, India for an affordable, and purportedly exotic, retirement experience.

But Jean had already decided she didn't like the place. Not the hotel, not the city, not the country. She was having a lousy experience, and she couldn't imagine that anything outside the walls of the dang hotel — such as it was — could possibly change or improve her disposition. In the end, her experience was exactly as lousy as she had predicted it in her head.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, IMDB

I think, in real life, many of us behave like Jean more often than we’d want to or care to admit. We find ourselves in a situation and decide our relationship to it without giving it — or ourselves — ample chance to surprise.

We arrive somewhere and find it’s not exactly how we had imagined or were made to expect. At that point, we have a choice, as we always do. How do we react? How do we comport ourselves? Do we make do or make the most of it? Do we disengage or let curiosity lead the way?

“Curiosity is one of the secrets of happiness.” — Bryan H. McGill

I try to remember Jean and tell myself she is NOT who I want to be in those situations. I want to be like Evelyn Greenslade, who jumps in and marvels and inquires and experiments. I want to be like Madge Hardcastle, who squares off her shoulders and gives it a shot, again and again. 

One thing I’ve learned in life is that whenever I’m caught in the unfamiliar, the uncomfortable, even the unwelcoming, the best tool in my toolkit is curiosity.

Ooh, why is it like that?

What is that thing over there?

Really?! How interesting!

I try to suspend my judgment for as long as I can (easier said than done, I know). I try real hard to see the positive, the good, or at the very least, the interesting. I think of the kind of person I want to be in that situation and then work hard to embody that person.

I find it’s always a good choice, even if doesn’t always work.

Of course, it doesn't always work. Sometimes, there's no redeeming value in the experience. Awful is as awful gets. And sometimes, I’m not able to ‘rise above’ and I succumb to the pouting 13-year-old inside of me. (I’m afraid she’ll always be part of me, no matter how old I get.)

But I find choosing to believe that there's good to be had is always worth the effort. It helps me with my mental sanity. And honestly, I like myself better when I do make the effort.

🔗 building on this

• Six Surprising Benefits of Curiosity. “Curiosity has been linked with psychological, emotional, social, and even health benefits. Here are six of them.”

• The Seven Most Calming Works of Art in the World. Sometimes, we need to calm ourselves down first before we can open up and get curious. Art helps.

• November 2023 Happiness & Curiosity Calendar. From Greater Good Science Center. A daily action prompt to help us get curious about ourselves, others, and the world.

📣 hear hear

“The most underrated tool of persuasion is curiosity. A natural response to disagreement is to attack what people think. A more inviting alternative is to be genuinely fascinated by how they think.” — Adam Grant