Stress: Relieved

No. 103: We can't wait for the sh*t to hit the fan to figure out how to get the sh*t out of the fan

Hello. I’m Lou Blaser, and you’re reading We’re All Getting Older, a newsletter about getting better and living our best selves in midlife.

My dear reader friend,

In my younger years, my stress management approach was basically this: “Don’t let it show.” Demonstrate an even keel and show the world how great I was in handling stress. Sure, Lou.🙄

During those years when I was “handling stress like a pro”, I was also operating on minimal sleep and experiencing migraine headaches and stress hives that would appear out of the blue — all over my face, my neck, my arms — which of course I just laughed off and dismissed. Because I was a pro, remember?

Made this with DALL-E

Something had to change.

Witnessing my mother's battle with dementia motivated me to read up on brain health. That’s when I learned about the harmful link between stress and our cognitive well-being! And, oh boy, stress can affect our overall health as well.

The long-term activation of the stress response system and too much exposure to cortisol and other stress hormones can disrupt almost all the body's processes. Source

Clearly, my M.O. had to change! I started with the basics. Understand the main stressors in my life. Create healthier boundaries to minimize their impact. ✅

But of course, we cannot remove all stressors, no matter how hard we try.

Relieving stress — preventing the chronic — is key.

I just didn’t know how.

You know that Lao Tzu quote, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”? Well, that’s what happened. Shulamit Ber Levtov appeared.

Shula is a trauma therapist and resilience consultant, and my conversation with her was a huge help. In her practice, Shula doesn’t focus on techniques because what works for you may not work for me, and vice versa. Instead, she teaches principles of stress resilience and encourages us to discover what works for us.

Shula recommends we identify our personal techniques and practice them on the regular. We don’t want to wait until the shit hits the fan because an already stressed system can’t be relied upon to make smart choices.

The Principles of Stress Resilience

SOOTHE

When we’re stressed, our sympathetic nervous system is activated, and our body is in a state of alarm. Imagine your body tightly clenched like a fist; soothing activities are anything that helps you unclench.

Language doesn’t work at this level. (Have you ever actually relaxed when someone told you to relax?) We need experiences, activities that make us heave a sigh, literally and metaphorically. What soothes you?

DISCHARGE

These are activities that dispel and deplete the pent-up energy in our bodies — anything that can help us physically and mentally discharge the stress energy. Examples include laughing, walking, dancing, writing, cleaning the bathtub, even a good sob.

Shula suggests we focus on activities that we actually enjoy. If we don’t enjoy running, it won’t be an effective go-to technique. How do you like to move?

NOURISH

These are experiences that fill our cups, renew our spirits, and give us the energy to keep going.

Some examples include reading inspirational literature, scriptures, or poetry, being in nature, hanging out with friends, creative writing, painting, being in flow. What uplifts you?

Note to Self: Holding it in doesn’t work.

Shula recommends that we engage in our chosen Soothe, Discharge, and Nourish activities often. Make them ours. Turn them into a practice. Ritualize, where possible.

To do this, we have to pick activities that are simple, enjoyable, and doable. If my go-to stress relief activity is to walk by the beach, and I have to drive an hour to get to the nearest beach, it likely won’t work.

How do you relieve yourself of stress? What activities are in your toolkit?

🏷 Health & Well-Being

💭 muse

“Learn what is to be taken seriously and laugh at the rest.” — Herman Hesse

🎙 what’s playing

Being in liminal space means being on the precipice of something new but not quite there yet. We don’t usually like to linger in these in-between periods. We prefer to have everything settled, and all the questions answered. But after talking with hundreds of people going through life changes and my own personal experience, I’ve come to believe there are actually “jobs-to-be-done” in our time in liminal space.

🍹 reader shout-out

Cheers to WAGO reader

Bridget Belden

who writes the Bridget’s Substack. She calls herself a “self-proclaimed personal growth junkie,” and she explores midlife transformations through this lens. She also writes about the 6 pillars of her Live BRIGHTer program. Do check her publication out.

💬 last word

I feel a little snowed under these days. Life demands taking me away from creative projects I’d rather be doing!

I’m so glad you’re there on the other side of this and keeping me company—and not making any demands, either! 😂 Thank you, my reader friend.

Here’s to an easeful week ahead.

Cool Beans,
Lou Blaser