Whenever I feel my to-do list is unmanageable or when I beat myself up for doing this instead of that (more frequently the case), I return to my source and ask, "Does this ____ help you create the life you want?"
Someone else came up with that guidance but it serves me well, especially when I've frittered away a few hours on the porch, reading a book, or listening to the sounds of a too brief summer evening instead of hovering over my laptop to churn out pages. 🤔❤️
I'm currently experimenting on a version of my ideal week with some unallocated time - the idea being those are to be frittered away or do whatever I please 😉. For someone who's got "productive hours" stamped on my forehead since early adulthood, this is a big challenge 😂
It absolutely is a huge challenge. We are trained (bread?) to prove ourselves, demonstrate value, excel and be bold and and and. What if we gave ourselves the grace to let some of that go? It's a rainy Sunday morning....
I adore Cal Newport. He makes everything look so easy, and he's such an inspiration. I definitely do less multitasking because of him.
But the challenge is, of course, everyone has their own unique lives, timetable and circumstances. For me, this is like exercise, not one size fits all, and ultimately you have to figure out what works best for you. Because I teach, there are busier moments than others and I've learned to accept this. That's the name of the game, actually, just going with the flow -- and yes, sometimes, you find things to drop from your list!
I've fallen in love with Cal Newport! 😂 He talks about his "summer schedule" when he isn't teaching and that he's designed those months to be less busy - not NOT doing anything - but just slower months and time to focus on deeper work. I love it and I'm looking to adapt a version of it for myself. You're lucky you have the "enforced" ebb and flow in your year! (I say lucky because I'm not very good with honoring such rhythm to my year!)
I like the approach "redesign roles so that they are more supportive of each other and not siloed activities" a lot! Thanks for the food for thought (and ultimately fruitful do less with more fulfillment result).
This is also very timely as I just came accross elements in my life that - since reading your post - I now see as being too siloed and hence even constraining. It is especially interesting to consider dynamics between relationship roles and professional/individual purpose roles!
Sooooo glad this resonated with you Fabienne. Your last observation about relationship roles and professional/individual purpose roles is interesting too. I've not seen that angle but your pointing it out makes me think some more about it. My knee-jerk thinking is that relationship roles are probably the ones that are the most challenging to "redesign" per se and are probably likely to be siloed/differentiated. And that our best bet will be to fine-tune those individual purpose roles... Hmmmm. Thanks for this nugget that I'll keep noodling on.
I haven’t come to a clear conclusion yet either. Probably it’s also much individual tailored to our very specific personality traits and what each role demands of us and how far we are able to divert for each role. So there’s people who are 1:1 the same at work and home. And others who seem to exhibit completely different personality types. Either of them might be working well as long as the values of the person are still untouched and hence connect the roles.
Okay, I might have gone over board here. Also did not have coffee yet 😂
Do less does not mean "do less today" so that you end up with more for tomorrow. Do less just means the strike-out items on the to-do list, period. Limiting the big will for sure help accomplish that. You are on your way to doing better and digging deeper sister!
Thanks Yi! I was chatting about this with my girlfriend who's still in corporate America, and I realize how so much tougher this is when in that environment. It's great we're both out of those walls!
Funny how my brother-in-law and I were chatting about my last essay about the words I wish I'd eradicated (https://immigrantsjourney.substack.com/p/three-words-i-wish-i-had-eradicated) and he mentioned how much more difficult it would be for someone still working in the corporate world (he works in a non-profit organization, a corporation never-the-less) to set the work-life boundary. But I said, just to make people aware of the power they *should* have that is enough of a first step towards redefining a culture that does more harm than good!
My father - who was one of the most hardworking people I knew - had "great" work-life boundaries. But I think it's largely because at the height of his law practice, there weren't any laptops or cell phones to keep him tethered to the work. When he left the office, he was literally leaving the work behind - unless he purposely brought paper files back home which did happen from time to time. These devices that are designed to make things easier for us also make it harder for us. Although, I've been told the younger generation who are just now entering the workforce have a better handle on boundaries. Have you noticed or heard the same thing?
Limiting the big has been such a relief. I started caring for my mom in my home 6 years ago, and I wish I could say I made the adjustment immediately, but I didn’t. In fits and starts I readjusted. Like a plane on autopilot- it’s okay to veer off, because I self correct. I let go of some of my “shoulds” to take on our needs, realizing this is a chapter and my internal mission and big things can change and morph over and over as my externals change.
I’d let go of the writing *must* while I was caregiving and working full time. Since I stopped working, I’m able to make space for that again. And more. Some things take up more than just time, some things (like a difficult workplace) eat up emotional space. Ok. Rambling. But thank you.
Caregiving is a huge role. That and working full time - I can just imagine how full your plate was. And to your point, these don't just take time but require so much more from us. Thank you for sharing!
thanks for picking up, and sharing, my sentence/thought We can move forward without racing. Appreciated.
I like your concept/perspective with the different roles we play. I looked at my roles a couple of years ago and created my "plans/goals" for the year around that -- but then kinda "forgot" about it. So thanks for this input (and reminder), bc I do like the role concept, just got a bit lazy with it.
I can totally relate with "forgetting" about plans and goals. 😊 I can set intentions and then very easily fall into habits and there goes the plan. I love the focus of your publication, Claudia and a big fan. Cheers!
Whenever I feel my to-do list is unmanageable or when I beat myself up for doing this instead of that (more frequently the case), I return to my source and ask, "Does this ____ help you create the life you want?"
Someone else came up with that guidance but it serves me well, especially when I've frittered away a few hours on the porch, reading a book, or listening to the sounds of a too brief summer evening instead of hovering over my laptop to churn out pages. 🤔❤️
I'm currently experimenting on a version of my ideal week with some unallocated time - the idea being those are to be frittered away or do whatever I please 😉. For someone who's got "productive hours" stamped on my forehead since early adulthood, this is a big challenge 😂
It absolutely is a huge challenge. We are trained (bread?) to prove ourselves, demonstrate value, excel and be bold and and and. What if we gave ourselves the grace to let some of that go? It's a rainy Sunday morning....
Rainy Sunday mornings are exactly the kind that demands to be frittered away 🧡
I adore Cal Newport. He makes everything look so easy, and he's such an inspiration. I definitely do less multitasking because of him.
But the challenge is, of course, everyone has their own unique lives, timetable and circumstances. For me, this is like exercise, not one size fits all, and ultimately you have to figure out what works best for you. Because I teach, there are busier moments than others and I've learned to accept this. That's the name of the game, actually, just going with the flow -- and yes, sometimes, you find things to drop from your list!
I've fallen in love with Cal Newport! 😂 He talks about his "summer schedule" when he isn't teaching and that he's designed those months to be less busy - not NOT doing anything - but just slower months and time to focus on deeper work. I love it and I'm looking to adapt a version of it for myself. You're lucky you have the "enforced" ebb and flow in your year! (I say lucky because I'm not very good with honoring such rhythm to my year!)
I like the approach "redesign roles so that they are more supportive of each other and not siloed activities" a lot! Thanks for the food for thought (and ultimately fruitful do less with more fulfillment result).
This is also very timely as I just came accross elements in my life that - since reading your post - I now see as being too siloed and hence even constraining. It is especially interesting to consider dynamics between relationship roles and professional/individual purpose roles!
Sooooo glad this resonated with you Fabienne. Your last observation about relationship roles and professional/individual purpose roles is interesting too. I've not seen that angle but your pointing it out makes me think some more about it. My knee-jerk thinking is that relationship roles are probably the ones that are the most challenging to "redesign" per se and are probably likely to be siloed/differentiated. And that our best bet will be to fine-tune those individual purpose roles... Hmmmm. Thanks for this nugget that I'll keep noodling on.
I haven’t come to a clear conclusion yet either. Probably it’s also much individual tailored to our very specific personality traits and what each role demands of us and how far we are able to divert for each role. So there’s people who are 1:1 the same at work and home. And others who seem to exhibit completely different personality types. Either of them might be working well as long as the values of the person are still untouched and hence connect the roles.
Okay, I might have gone over board here. Also did not have coffee yet 😂
Do less does not mean "do less today" so that you end up with more for tomorrow. Do less just means the strike-out items on the to-do list, period. Limiting the big will for sure help accomplish that. You are on your way to doing better and digging deeper sister!
Thanks Yi! I was chatting about this with my girlfriend who's still in corporate America, and I realize how so much tougher this is when in that environment. It's great we're both out of those walls!
Funny how my brother-in-law and I were chatting about my last essay about the words I wish I'd eradicated (https://immigrantsjourney.substack.com/p/three-words-i-wish-i-had-eradicated) and he mentioned how much more difficult it would be for someone still working in the corporate world (he works in a non-profit organization, a corporation never-the-less) to set the work-life boundary. But I said, just to make people aware of the power they *should* have that is enough of a first step towards redefining a culture that does more harm than good!
My father - who was one of the most hardworking people I knew - had "great" work-life boundaries. But I think it's largely because at the height of his law practice, there weren't any laptops or cell phones to keep him tethered to the work. When he left the office, he was literally leaving the work behind - unless he purposely brought paper files back home which did happen from time to time. These devices that are designed to make things easier for us also make it harder for us. Although, I've been told the younger generation who are just now entering the workforce have a better handle on boundaries. Have you noticed or heard the same thing?
Limiting the big has been such a relief. I started caring for my mom in my home 6 years ago, and I wish I could say I made the adjustment immediately, but I didn’t. In fits and starts I readjusted. Like a plane on autopilot- it’s okay to veer off, because I self correct. I let go of some of my “shoulds” to take on our needs, realizing this is a chapter and my internal mission and big things can change and morph over and over as my externals change.
I’d let go of the writing *must* while I was caregiving and working full time. Since I stopped working, I’m able to make space for that again. And more. Some things take up more than just time, some things (like a difficult workplace) eat up emotional space. Ok. Rambling. But thank you.
Caregiving is a huge role. That and working full time - I can just imagine how full your plate was. And to your point, these don't just take time but require so much more from us. Thank you for sharing!
thanks for picking up, and sharing, my sentence/thought We can move forward without racing. Appreciated.
I like your concept/perspective with the different roles we play. I looked at my roles a couple of years ago and created my "plans/goals" for the year around that -- but then kinda "forgot" about it. So thanks for this input (and reminder), bc I do like the role concept, just got a bit lazy with it.
I can totally relate with "forgetting" about plans and goals. 😊 I can set intentions and then very easily fall into habits and there goes the plan. I love the focus of your publication, Claudia and a big fan. Cheers!