Of course, the size matters.
No. 116: The thing about the big rocks story that we musn't forget.
Back in 1989, the now classic 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey, was first published.
And in the three decades since, we’ve all been learning to be proactive, begin with the end in mind, put first things first, think win-win, seek first to understand, synergize, and sharpen our saws.
One of the stories that came out of the book — although, I don’t think the story was an original Covey; I believe he just made it more popular — was this thing about the rocks.
You know this one. There’s a jar and we’re to put things into said jar. The key is that the order in which we do things matters. Big rocks first. Then gravel. Then sand. Then water.
The story reminds us to prioritize, to take care of our “big rocks” first. If we willy-nilly fill our metaphorical jar with sand or water, we’re not going to have enough space for the most important bits in our lives (aka the big rocks).
The story also tells us that there is likely to be more space in our lives if we do it right — hence, the order of how things get into the jar. If we are deliberate about what and how we prioritize, we may be able to fit more into our busy lives.
I’ve been trying to follow the basic principles from the big rock story and have seen a couple of stumbling spots.
1. Not doing a good job figuring out which really are the big rocks and which are gravel.
Identifying our big rocks can be challenging. When I’m not being deliberate about this, I easily fall into a trap thinking everything is a big rock. Everything is a priority. Everything needs to be done, soon, and as fast as possible.
But of course, this isn’t true. It just feels that way at times. Some projects (no matter how they sound) are just not as important as others. Some things on our list can be de-prioritized and moved off the front page. Some expectations/demands are stuff for the back burner.
The challenge is often differentiating which is which and choosing.
2. Not appreciating the size of the jar.
The other sinkhole to avoid is forgetting that our jars aren’t jumbo-sized, bottomless containers. There is a limit to the rocks, and gravel, and sand, and water that we can squeeze into our jars.
I find this is one of those “hard things to accept” truths as I get older. There is a cap to what I can or am willing to do. I can’t simply keep adding to my plate without regard to how much bandwidth I have physically, emotionally, and mentally — not to mention time-wise.
At first, there was a sadness, a certain wistfulness, in this realization of my limitations. But the truth is, the constraints have always been there. It’s just the arrogance of youth that made me act as if I could “do it all”. 😮
• • •
One thing I’m finding necessary as I transition to other seasons in life is that our jars and our big rocks do change. These aren’t one-and-done choices.
What may have been super important to get into our jars at one point in our lives may no longer carry the same weight. Or our jars may have shrunk in size, by design or otherwise. We must revisit our choices and opt-in to them again.
How recently have you re-sized your jar? Which rocks are in it right now?
🏷 Change & Transitions
💭 muse
“This is the biggest hurdle for most to overcome because we human beings always want to control a future reality by trying to re-create how it occurred in a past reality.” — Joe Dispenza
🍹 reader shout-out
A huge shout-out to WAGO reader, Yvonne Marchese, age agitator, author, and founder of The Age Agitators Club. This community brings together women committed to busting through their Midlife Funk to inspire, support, share our stories, and reimagine what’s possible as we grow older. Learn more about The Age Agitators Club.
💬 last word
Regular readers of WAGO may know that I’ve been working on changing some habits in an effort to slow down and adjust the pace of my life.
Happy to report that recent changes resulted in a great September! Putting the podcast on pause and re-prioritizing certain projects meant I was “present” and meaningfully engaged during the month-long visit with family in Orlando. And I even managed a whole week 😂 without being tethered to a laptop! Things are definitely moving in the right direction.
Here’s to an easeful week ahead.
Cool Beans,
Lou Blaser
“What may have been super important to get into our jars at one point in our lives may no longer carry the same weight.”
Worth an echo, this line captures the downside of creating a strong ecosystem of habits absent this one.
Ask (often):
How has the importance of this [act, artifact, attitude] changed in my life?
This line, 'It's just the arrogance of youth that made me act as if I could "do it all,"' really struck a chord. It makes me wonder, is there a way to balance youthful ambition with the wisdom of recognizing our limitations? How can we dream big while still honoring our boundaries and well-being?