☕️ the main thing
Lemme tell you a secret. There’s a list of things I’m constantly working on with an ambitious tag, “Bettering Myself.”
Before you gently urge me to “love myself for who I am,” I promise you that all this work I’m doing isn’t because I don’t. In truth, I love myself enough to try and be the best version of myself.
It’s just that I’ve realized this business of being the best version of myself? It’s not easy. 😳 (I’ll get back to why it’s hard work in a minute.)
For context, being the best version of myself hasn’t always been my focus. For years, I was more concerned about any one of the following things:
Being promoted at work as often and as fast as possible
Being liked by people I’d want to like me (and sometimes, even by people I don’t particularly care about)
Being able to afford things, like those pair of boots I saw one of the friends wore on Friends, or the purse that Miranda carried around on SATC. (I know...)
Being able to drive the dream car (Audi)
Being able to live in the dream apartment (on the Hudson River, overlooking Manhattan)
Having an “impressive title” (Again, I know...)
Listing these things here for you to read, I feel a bit... I don’t know... shallow?
These were the kinds of things that got me out of bed for many years. Though, in fairness to the younger me, I probably thought then that this made for a “great version of Lou Blaser.” I worked hard and had an exceptional work ethic. I was driven and focused. I made sure I was as indispensable as I could possibly be in any team I was a part of and that I was a reasonably effective leader of the teams I led.
And things were achieved, promotions were had, and monies were earned. Sure, other things got relegated to the back burner — relationships, for sure — but these were done with eyes wide open. And for all intents and purposes, I was happy.
But after so many rotations around the sun, things look different.
One day, you turn 50 and find that priorities have somehow shifted while you weren’t paying attention. You look at your face in the mirror, examine the wrinkles, and feel in your gut that what you want, more than anything, is to be a different person now — in fact, a better person, by your own definition. Whoa, where did that come from?
In truth, I love myself enough to try and be the best version of myself.
Oh, but as people often say, “It’s easier said than done.”
As I soon realized, bettering oneself involves quite a bit of self-analysis, unlearning, and recalibration. Also, practice, practice, practice. We don’t re-write decades of conditioning overnight just because we’ve decided to change the narrative. The water always seeks well-developed grooves.
Forming new grooves — that’s what takes time and effort.
Some things have been helpful to me in the forming of new grooves:
Journaling. Leaning on curiosity. Mindfulness. Studying/practicing Stoicism. Listening to podcasts like Ten Percent Happier. Reading books like The Untethered Soul and The Daily Stoic. Seeking new role models. Developing new relationships with like-minded souls. Studying philosophy. Asking myself lots of questions. Practicing patience. Being a better friend to myself. Writing. Walking. Watering what needs watering. Sunrises.
• • •
You know, I don’t think I will ever actually get to “the best version of myself.” But I commit to staying on the road to get there. I think that’s the best thing I can do for myself.
🔗 pairings
“My guess is that if your favorite comedian, or actor, or athlete turned out to be broke, you wouldn’t care. It wouldn’t impact how much you admire them because you admire them for talents that money can’t buy.” Respect and Admiration
“A fulfilled life is sometimes described as being perfectly alive, filled with purpose and satisfaction, involving vision and requiring intensive alignment — highly meaningful, and sought by all. It's also described as being not well-defined and difficult to achieve.” What is a “Fulfilled Life”?
💭 muse
“Just because no one notices doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. The biggest obstacles are internal.” — Shane Parrish, author of Clear Thinking
🎙 what’s playing
It’s one thing to retire from a job you can’t wait to leave, but how do you plan to walk away from your most significant and impactful role?
Merle Saferstein, who worked for decades with hundreds of Holocaust survivors to help them leave their legacy, shares her journey to retirement.
🍹 reader shout-out
High five to WAGO reader Victoria Chin and her incredible publication Carer Mentor: Empathy and Inspiration.
has been on a rollercoaster journey since 2015, caring for both her parents. With her publication, she provides resources, support, tools, and learning to help carers on their journey. Be sure to check out Carer Mentor.💬 last word
I mentioned the Metta meditation (loving-kindness) a couple of weeks ago. Since I got a few questions, here’s the mantra repetition:
May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy and strong. May you live with ease.
First, imagine someone you find really easy to get along with while you recite the mantra above. Second, think of yourself and recite the mantra. Next, bring to mind a mentor or someone who’s helped you. Then, think of someone in your life you feel neutral toward but may have overlooked (e.g., the doorman in your building or the barista at your coffee shop). Lastly — and this is the tricky one – bring to mind a difficult person in your life (e.g., someone you’re annoyed with, having a hard time with, etc.). In each case, you repeat the mantra above.
I’m not sure if this is the universal loving-kindness meditation, but this is what I practice!
Here’s to a joyful week ahead.
Cool Beans,
Lou Blaser
P.S. When you’re ready, I can help you plan your next chapter with a 1:1 Clarity call. Check out the details here, and let’s get to it.
I can relate to your list of priorities in the early days! Funny how when we’re younger our search for meaning comes from the outside but as we age and get wiser we realize that everything we need to be happy is within us. At least that’s the journey I’m on!
Be a better version of myself. A good goal to have and mine too :).