68. The upside to anticipating negative events
Worrying about something and preparing for it are two wholly different things.
Everyone faces up more bravely to a thing for which he has long prepared himself, sufferings, even, being withstood if they have been trained for in advance. Those who are unprepared, on the other hand, are panic-stricken by the most insignificant happenings. — Seneca
It's difficult to respond to a threat in the manner that we would want to unless we are prepared for it. Unless we have already imagined how we would like to behave in the face of such situations.
Who do I want to be — what kind of person do I want to be — when faced with X (the variable, not the site previously named Twitter 😉).
If we have not rehearsed, even if only in our minds, the manner in which we're going to behave and respond, then we're basically leaving it to our impulses to drive our behavior. And we all know that's a tricky roll of the dice, rarely landing the best response.
Peace of mind doesn’t come from hoping for the best; it comes from close-up attention to the very worst – and from the sure knowledge that we can, with the strength we have inside us already, endure whatever fate might assign us. — The School of Life
But many don't like to think about these kinds of things.
To think about a negative thing is to court it, to invite it to happen. Or so I've been told more than a few times.
Well, I don't know about that. But I'd rather be prepared.
"Don't worry about it. Just think positive" — is another rather common but ultimately, unhelpful advice, I find. And I'm speaking as someone who generally has a positive outlook in life.
Ignoring it, hiding it under the rug, leaves us subject to wishful thinking, and totally vulnerable if our best-case scenarios do not happen.
Not to mention, the worrying doesn't ever really go away, does it? It's always there, the sword over Damocles.
Which is not to say, we should worry about the proverbial sword non-stop, tossing and turning over and over and getting everyone around us anxious. (I find, this is usually when the "Don't worry about it, just think positive" advice gets dished around.)
Worrying about something and preparing for it are two wholly different things.
Bottom Line:
Bringing my best self in negative situations is not the kind of thing I'd leave to chance or rely on seat-of-the-pants reactions.
I think it's best to take note of Ryan Holiday's advice:
“So if you want to have a great day today, think about all the ways it might go sideways. Be prepared for that. Think about how you’d handle it, all the things you would need to do in response. Practice being calm in the face of how overwhelming it might seem. Remember that people will be depending on you, and that’s why you need to respond right. Consider what steps you can take now in anticipation.”
🔗 building on this
The Stoics call this practice “Premeditatio Malorum”, which is often misconstrued as pessimism. It’s not. But it’s natural for the brain to veer in that direction. In service of that, here are 7 myths about optimism and pessimism.
“There is an immense difference between being obsessed by a worry and taking it apart rationally piece by piece. We can be preoccupied by a topic without ever actually reflecting on it.” Don’t Hope for the Best; Expect the Worst
“Usually, people try to run away from whatever situation makes them anxious. But there are other ways of dealing with it. Defensive pessimism is one way. […] What we’ve seen in the research is if they do this in a specific, vivid way, it helps them plan to avoid the disaster. They end up performing better than if they didn’t use the strategy. It helps them direct their anxiety toward productive activity.” The Upside of Pessimism
📣 hear hear
[Pilots] have to be confident to be good at their jobs. They have to practice relentlessly and plan out all the scenarios of the things that could happen when they're out there. Nothing is more important than preparation. — Simon Sinek
💬 last word
Ended up coming out with my new project on my friend’s podcast (Yvonne Marchese’s Late Bloomer Living podcast).
I joined her to wrap up her Season 3 and we got to talking about how we make space for new projects and how the phrase ‘using time wisely’ has evolved for us as we got older.
I’d invite you to listen to her episode 155. But as the cat’s out of the bag about my project, I want to share it with you here too.
I’m working on my next book project. No working title yet, but it’s about modern retirement in the 21st century. No big surprise, perhaps, given the themes of recent episodes and my posts on LinkedIn 😊
But there you have it. I’ll share more of the experience as I progress.
Here’s to a joyful and easeful week ahead.
Cool Beans,
Lou Blaser