61. The Headline of Our Stories
61. The Headline of Our Stories
We may not always be able to choose our stories, but we get to choose how we tell them.
☕️ the main thing
"The headline of your story changes as life goes on."
— Nora McInerny
Nora McInerny is an American author best known for writing and talking about how to navigate grief.
In 2014, McInerny lost her husband to glioblastoma, a most aggressive form of brain cancer. In the years following his death, she found comfort and meaning in helping others navigate their grief. Together with a fellow widow, she ended up forming a group called “Hot Young Widows Club” and became a grief doula of sorts.
During those years, ‘widow’ was the headline of her story.
In a conversation on the “A Slight Change of Plans” podcast, McInerny said she fully embraced (still does) that label, and for a long time, it was the main thing about her.
There absolutely was a period of time in life where the most important thing that I could relay to somebody was that my husband died. They needed to know that, and that needed to be the first thing that they knew because that was the most important thing about me, to me, in that moment.
But life goes on, as they say. And while she still thinks about and mourns her husband today, ‘widow’ is no longer the most important part of her identity.
It's a bullet point now, and that's okay. It is not a value judgment. It does not mean it means less. […] Widow is a label, and it's one I'm really glad that I embraced. I still have that label. It's just not going to be the first thing on my name tag.
—
It's quite common for us to become attached to certain labels or identities that have been significant in our lives.
These labels provide us with a sense of belonging, purpose, and a way to make sense of who we are. They get intertwined with our identity and how we perceive ourselves.
There's nothing wrong with embracing and cherishing these labels. But there are downsides when we fail to move on or explore other aspects of our identities.
It's like wearing the same pair of shoes all the time, even when they no longer fit or suit the occasion.
We might restrict our personal growth and development. When we cling tightly to one label, we might resist exploring new interests or roles that could expand our horizons.
Being defined by one label can overshadow our other qualities, experiences, and talents that make us unique. This then limits other people’s understanding of who we truly are.
When we cling to a certain label, we might resist change and find it difficult to adapt to new circumstances. Life is a series of transitions, and it's important that we are open to evolving and embracing new chapters.
—
Moving on from a label (or moving forward, as McInerny prefers to say) may feel disorienting at first. It can feel like a loss and even a betrayal, especially when we’re particularly attached to such designation. So we cling to it, even when we know, in our hearts of hearts, that it’s time to release.
Imagine, for a second, a future version of yourself without the weight of those labels. How does it feel?
📣 hear hear
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
— Helen Keller
🔔 cue for you
Think about labels or identities that you've held onto for a long time. Take a moment to reflect on why these labels are so important to you.
📖 a fine read
Nora McInerny has written a couple of books I’ve fallen in love with. The one I’m currently reading is Bad Vibes Only (And Other Bad Things I Bring To The Table).
“In essays that revisit her cringey past and anticipate her rapidly approaching early middle-aged future, McInerny lays bare her own chaos, inviting us to drop the façade of perfection and embrace the truth: that we are all—at best—slightly unhinged.”
SPONSOR
Today’s issue is sponsored by Midlife Uprising, a community of women who are reimagining what’s possible as they grow older and supporting each other as they rock their next chapters Find out more and join the Midlife Uprising Community.
👤 a midlifer in profile
Meet Gen Jones’er Sarah Baker Andrus.
Sarah is a mom to two amazing sons and is excited to be celebrating her 40th wedding anniversary shortly!
She says she’s most different from the 25-year-old version of herself in that she no longer strives to fit in above all else. “I have learned how to ask, ‘What's right for me at this moment,’ rather than toiling away toward someone else's goals.”
Read the rest of Sarah’s profile.
💬 last word
My name tag has these labels these days: writer, podcaster, producer.
They not only describe what I do. They’re also what I’m excited about these days. They’re what I continue to try and get better at. They’re my practice.
What labels are you proudly wearing and are excited about? Hit reply or leave a comment, and let’s turn this into a two-way conversation!
Here’s to a joyful and easeful week ahead.
Cool Beans,
Lou Blaser