Serious joy?

Inspired by The Daily Stoic

First time I read Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle is the Way back in 2017, I thought, “Huh, what this guy’s talking about, it sounds like Dad.”

For the first time in my life, it felt like I “get” him (my dad, I mean, not Holiday). The only thing is he’s been gone for many years already. Sure, it helps that he’s making sense for me finally, but it’s a shame, you know. I wish I could walk up to him and say, “I know why you’re doing what you’re doing or why you’re thinking that way.” Though, Dad will probably just look at me like I’m nuts. I don’t know that he would call himself a Stoic. I think he just lived it.

• • •

Anyhow, that’s how my interest in Stoicism got started. I knew practically nothing about it at the time. I mean, I think I’ve heard the word Stoic but it had a kind of cold or uptight connotation in my head. How wrong was I!

Now, I call myself a student of Stoicism. Parts of it are (still) very hard for me — like rewiring how I’m built, you know? But my nervous system is definitely happy I’ve gone down this road. There was too much stressing in my life over things I couldn’t control. Never were within my control really but somehow I thought they were too.

• • •

I read The Daily Stoic every morning, with my fresh brewed. Okay, most mornings... I skipped some days. The book’s a year-long, page-a-day philosophical reflection guide. Four trips through the book now. And every now and again, something snags and stays lodged in my head for a while, nudging and poking.

This year was the July 30th entry about joy.

Here’s what Seneca had to say about it in Moral Letters:

“Trust me, real joy is a serious thing. Do you think someone can, in the charming expression, blithely dismiss death with an easy disposition? Or swing open the door to poverty, keep pleasures in check, or meditate on the endurance of suffering?

Oof. Tough questions. I must have come across those questions in my previous read of the book, but this time, I paused and really thought about them. Especially that “death with an easy disposition” thing… because, you know, getting older.

Seneca said those who are comfortable with these are “truly full of joy, but hardly cheerful.”

“It’s exactly such a joy that I would wish for you to possess, for it will never run dry once you’ve laid claim to its source.”

I think we (and by “we” I mean “I”) throw around the word joy willy nilly. “That puppy video gave me so much joy.” “I feel so joyful just sitting in the park with a book.” Or sarcastically, “Another meeting that could have been an email. Joy.”

But these things aren’t the kind of joy that Seneca was talking about and are really closer to cheerfulness. Seneca’s all about a deep state of being. What we feel inside. And it’s got little to do with laughing or smiling.

I read that page and thought, “I want this kind of joy.” And I think I’m closer to it now than I’ve ever been. Certainly closer to it now than when I was climbing the corporate ladder, that’s for sure. I had more money then, a more active social life, and owned more things. But looking back, the joy I experienced then felt surface-level when compared to how I feel these days. I don’t know. Maybe I’m stretching things too far. I’ll keep thinking more about this.

• • •

Circling back to my dad, I think this was the kind of joy he felt and lived with. A serious kind of joy, like Seneca said.

Dad laughed a lot too, but more than that, I always thought he was truly content with his life. When he died, I told him I wanted to be like him. And what I meant by that was that I wanted to be content too in my life, like he was.

On this July 30th reflection page, Holiday adds (emphasis mine):

“But can you be fully content with your life, can you bravely face what life has in store from one day to the next, can you bounce back from every kind of adversity without losing a step, can you be a source of strength and inspiration to others around you? That’s Stoic joy — the joy that comes from purpose, excellence, and duty. It’s a serious thing — far more serious than a smile or a chipper voice.”

• • •

I suspect I'll be rereading that July 30 page a few more times. Because I think I may have been chasing happiness (or cheerfulness more like) all my life, when what I’m really after is what Seneca was talking about.

✴️ I’d love to hear from you:
Do you know someone who embodies the kind of "serious joy" Seneca describes? I'd love to hear about them.

Talk soon,
Lou Blaser

Lou Blaser exchanged PowerPoint decks for essays and has yet to regret the trade. She writes Shaping Life, where she follows her curiosity through books, conversations, films, and whatever else refuses to leave her alone.

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