"I have a lot of goals for this stage of my life, and I am looking forward to investing in myself and my family."

a Midlifer in Profile: Matthew Long

Life-long learner Matthew Long has been married for 21 years to his wife, Jannett. They have two children, 20-year-old David and 16-year-old Anamaria, and a rescue dog, Lola.

Matthew grew up as the oldest of five kids in rural communities in Colorado and Missouri. He says his heart longs for the wild spaces of rural America. Later this year (2024), Matthew plans to retire from the US Navy and will have more time to spend on the things he loves: reading, writing, listening to jazz, and — when weather permitting —  hiking, camping, and kayaking.

Matthew Long

and his family reside in Atoka, Tennessee. You can connect with him through his publication Beyond The Bookshelf.

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IN WHICH GENERATION DO YOU BELONG?

Gen X: 1965 - 1980

DO YOU WORK? IF SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?

I have been on active duty with the U.S. Navy for 24 years, serving on submarines, aircraft carriers, and major staffs. My professional training was in administration and HR, but I have done a wide variety of tasks. Some of my favorites were driving submarines, launching aircraft off the flight deck, and mentoring young Sailors. I am retiring in June and don't plan to work a traditional 9 to 5. I intend to pursue my passion for writing, read lots of books, take up gardening and photography, and look for volunteer opportunities. My wife teaches at the local elementary school, and we have been smart with our finances, so I am fortunate to have the flexibility to decide how to spend my days without the pressure of chasing a paycheck.

WHAT WOULD THE 25-YEAR-OLD VERSION OF YOU THINK OF YOU TODAY? HOW ARE YOU MOST DIFFERENT FROM HIM?

I think he would be proud of where I am and how far I have come. He certainly didn't have any idea that this was where I would end up. His vision of the future was pretty limited then. I believe I exceeded his expectations, so I think he would say, "Well done."

I believe the most surprising thing for him would be my financial stability. My wife and I grew up poor, so we understood what it meant not to have much. I didn't go to college right away, and I enlisted in the Navy, so my prospects for financial success seemed limited. However, Jannett and I made wise choices and lived a frugal lifestyle. I earned a B.A. and M.A. while on active duty by going to night school. I was able to earn a commission as a Naval Officer, and at that point, my career took off. I worked hard but was still continually surprised at my success, so I think 25-year-old Matthew would also be surprised by how far I have come.

Matthew, at 25, was a very different person. It was early in my career. I was newly married and broke, and we had no children. I was pretty self-centered, very focused on excelling at work so I could get promoted, and had a difficult time relating to others. In hindsight, I didn't really know myself that well either, nor did I have a good idea of what I wanted out of life. Today, I am at the tail end of a successful career, have a very stable home life, a couple of almost grown kids, and am much more comfortable in my own skin than ever before. I think in our 20s, we are terrified of getting older, but I feel I am in the prime of my life now, and things didn't really start to click until I was in my 40s.

WHAT HAS NOT CHANGED ABOUT YOU?

Picking just one is difficult, so I will cheat and give you two. My love for reading has been a fixture in my life since childhood. While the amount that I read did decrease some during the years my kids were young, and I was deployed frequently, the love for reading never waned. The other constant is family. My wife, kids, parents, and siblings are the cornerstones of everything. Their love and support have been an invaluable resource through some pretty challenging times.

GOOD OR BAD, WHAT ABOUT MIDLIFE HAS SURPRISED YOU SO FAR?

I have been pleasantly surprised by how happy I am. I think the older we get and the more comfortable we get with ourselves, the easier it is to be happy. I don't stress about things as much, and I try to focus on what I can control. I feel like I am a lot more accepting of things as they are rather than trying to change things to my way of liking, which I tended to do when I was younger. On the flip side, I wish I had my 25-year-old metabolism back!

WHAT ONE HABIT ARE YOU ACTIVELY WORKING ON THESE DAYS?

Writing. I think non-writers believe that the words flow out of the pen and onto the paper inspired by a mythical muse. In truth, writing is a lot of work. It really requires a regular habit of sitting down and dedicating time to the craft. There are thousands of words I write in my notebooks that never see the light of day. But if I didn't get those words out first, then the good words wouldn't have a chance to find their way to my readers. So, writing is a daily habit for me, studying how words go together and continually looking for the means to craft the perfect sentence.

WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE PHRASE ‘FULFILLING LIFE’. HOW HAS YOUR PERSPECTIVE ABOUT THIS CHANGED AS YOU GOT OLDER?

Fulfilling for me means having all the things I need and some of the things I want. Food, clothing, shelter, and community are must-haves. If I have all of those and don't have to worry about where they are coming from, then that goes a long way towards being fulfilled. But I think we all want just a little more, which is the “some of the things I want” part of it. If I can have a few books on my shelves, get to travel occasionally, and get to enjoy experiences rather than things, then that is the little extra I want. I don't have expensive tastes or desires, so I am pretty easy to please.

When I was younger, my vision was to have all the things, whatever that might have been. Fancy house, car, clothes, etc... but that is the naivete of youth. Over time, I realized that “things” don't bring happiness. It is very possible to have all the things and still be unfulfilled. As we got older, we focused on experiences rather than stuff. I think it is a huge mental shift that many people have a hard time with, especially in a consumer-driven society.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT THESE DAYS?

In the immediate future, I am excited about traveling to Italy this summer for a family vacation as a celebration of my retirement and a way to say thanks to my wife and kids for all their support over the years.

Looking ahead, I am really excited about having the flexibility to pursue some passion projects. Having the time to write, learn photography, learn to garden, walk the dog, and learn some new recipes in the kitchen are all things that really energize me right now. Not having the stress of a daily time clock to punch or a boss to please will be very freeing. I don't plan to sit around and be a couch potato trying to find the end of Netflix. I have a lot of goals for this stage of my life, and I am looking forward to investing in myself and my family.

IF YOU COULD GIVE SOME WORDS OF WISDOM TO SOMEONE 20 YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU, WHAT MIGHT IT BE?

Disconnect from your electronic device for a few hours each day. Use that time to have an actual conversation with someone. Read a book. Take up a hobby. Go for a walk. This advice can apply to a lot of folks, but I have a lot of concerns for the younger generations. Tech can be really useful and beneficial, but it can't replace relationships and actual experiences.

Even more important is kindness. I think that genuine kindness is becoming a lost art. We really have no idea what people are going through in their heads and in their lives from day to day. It is easy to get frustrated with someone when things don't go our way, but if we react with kindness and empathy instead, it can have a huge impact on people. Choose kindness.

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: WHO WAS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER/BAND GROWING UP?

Growing up, I mostly listened to Country and loved Kenny Rogers, Randy Travis, and Reba McEntire. These days it would be Paolo Fresu. He is a jazz trumpet player from Italy.

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