I was thinking of cleaning the basement...

then Kant showed up.

It can’t just be me. I know you’ve been there. You swear you’re finally going to clean out the basement / go to the gym / start Duolingo. For real this time. And then, despite your best intentions... you don’t.

We’ve all heard the advice for solving this predicament: Get in touch with your why. “Remember why you started,” says a popular meme, usually over a picture of someone running at sunrise, while the rest of us hit snooze.

And look, I love Simon Sinek as much as the next former consultant. “Start With Why” is basically the unofficial anthem of every corporate strategy deck ever made. But knowing your “why” doesn’t always help on a cold Tuesday morning when your bed is warm and your running shoes are judging you from across the room.

There’s got to be something else at play — something closer to how we’re wired. If motivation is an engine, I think this might be the part under the hood.

Enter: The Four Tendencies

A framework from Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies, is about how we respond to expectations — both internal (what we expect from ourselves) and external (what others expect of us).

Rubin’s framework is brilliant.¹ But because I can’t help myself, I started hearing echoes of philosophy in each of the types — like secret patron saints for our motivational patterns. So with full respect to Rubin, I offer you a little bonus round. 😊 ²

UPHOLDER
Meets outer and inner expectations.

If only we could all be Upholders. Sigh. These are the people who make a plan, set a goal, and actually follow through. No drama. No negotiation. If they say they’re going to start meditating every morning, they do. If they commit to a team deadline, it gets done. They’re basically living calendars with feelings.

In a world of half-finished projects and group chats full of “sorry, just seeing this,” Upholders are quietly holding it all together. Their superpower isn’t discipline — it’s integrity. They do what they say they’ll do. And that’s kind of rare and wonderful.

Philosophical Inspiration: Immanuel Kant
Kant built his entire moral philosophy on doing your duty because it’s your duty. He was famously rigid in his routines and believed that following through on principles — consistently, universally — was the path to moral greatness. Upholders, he would’ve been your biggest fan. Just don’t be late to tea.

OBLIGER
Meets outer expectations; resists inner expectations.

This is the most common tendency. If you’ve ever found it easier to meet someone else’s deadline than your own, this might be you. Obligers struggle to prioritize internal goals unless there’s external accountability. Want to finally write that book? Don’t wait for inspiration. Find a writing partner who’ll lovingly yell at you.

Some people see this as a weakness. Like, “Shouldn’t you be able to motivate yourself?” But maybe we need a reframe. Obligers are wired for connection. They shine when they’re part of something beyond themselves. In a world that worships self-reliance, Obligers remind us we’re built for interdependence.

Philosophical Inspiration: Confucius
Confucius believed we become our best selves through relationships, roles, and rituals. Harmony and responsibility weren’t just social niceties. They were how one became fully human. In Obliger terms: don’t fight the need for external structure. Honor it.

QUESTIONER
Meets inner expectations; resists outer expectations.

Questioners don’t just do things because someone told them to. Best practices? They'll be the judge of that. If an expectation doesn’t make sense, they’ll challenge it, ignore it, or dismantle it. But once they’ve interrogated an idea and it passes muster? Fully committed. They basically turn every outer expectation into an inner one. After an internal audit.

This is the one I identify with most. I can’t force myself to do something just because it’s “good for me.” I need to understand it, believe in it, and choose it. Otherwise, I’ll quietly ghost it after three days. If there’s no internal buy-in, I’m out, even if everyone else is in. I’ve been called stubborn. Fair.

Philosophical Inspiration: Socrates
Socrates spent his life asking questions that made people deeply uncomfortable. He believed the unexamined life wasn’t worth living (okay, he was on trial for his life, so a little dramatic). And he refused to follow rules unless he’d reasoned his way to agreement. Questioners, welcome to the lineage. Just, you know, skip the hemlock bit.

REBEL
Resists both outer and inner expectations.

Ah, the Rebels. The sacred chaos agents. These are the people who say, “I was going to do it… until you told me to, and now I don’t wanna.” Rebels resist all forms of pressure, even the internal kind. They’re motivated by freedom, autonomy, and whatever feels true in the moment. Planning? Structure? Ha.

Rebels are the rockstars of the framework. They cannot be bossed. Not by their managers, their planners, or even their own past selves. And while that can look like irresponsibility, it’s actually something wilder and rarer: radical authenticity. No shoulds. No scripts. Just vibes. ³

Philosophical Inspiration: Diogenes
Diogenes lived in a barrel, barked at people, and once told Alexander the Great to move because he was blocking the sunlight. He made a whole philosophy out of rejecting social norms, status, and expectations. Rebels, Diogenes walked so you could ghost your calendar app.

• • •

Trying to motivate ourselves with tools built for someone else’s operating system is like forcing an iPhone to run Android apps. Brute-forcing motivation doesn’t work. It’s better when we understand how we actually function. Not the idealized version of us, but the real one. The one who keeps re-reading the same self-help book, hoping this time it’ll click.

Epictetus said, “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” But maybe we flip it: First, see yourself clearly. Then do what works for that person.

Because the good life doesn’t start with self-optimization. It starts with self-honesty.

• • •

Quick Recap, Because We're All a Bit of a Mess:
Rebels: “You can’t tell me what to do.”
Upholders: “I already did it.”
Obligers: “I said yes to help.”
Questioners: “But why are we even doing this?”

So, what’s your tendency? And were you surprised?

💭 not Socrates, but close enough

“A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they’re not dead, really. They’re just backing away from life.”
— Harold (Harold and Maude)

For anyone who’s ever autopiloted through a Tuesday.

🍹 reader shout-out

Sending a standing ovation to international voice coach Jessica Neighbor, who’s helping midlife women speak up, stand tall, and reclaim their voices over at Love Your Voice. Go give her a read (and a cheer).

💬 last word

No matter your tendency — Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, or Rebel — I think we can all agree: Ooh baby, I love your way.

Everything is fine,
Lou Blaser

1. You might see yourself in more than one. Or different ones depending on the situation. Human motivation is many things — tidy isn’t one of them.

2. Philosophy purists, don’t come for me. These pairings are loose, maybe even a little cheeky. But sometimes a little cheek helps the philosophy go down.

3. I secretly want to be a Rebel.