Enoughness isn't the absence of ambition.
what striving can look like from a place of ability, not inadequacy
WAGO is a continuing conversation about who we are becoming and the lives we are unfolding as we get older.
Hello,
I’m reading How to Begin by Michael Bungay Stanier, and its subtitle tells you what the book is about: Start Doing Something That Matters. What has struck me so far is his discussion of ambition, and how his framing complicates another concept I’ve been thinking about: enoughness.
Stanier begins his book with the most soaring of prompts, Mary Oliver’s, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
What indeed! We’ve only got one crack at this life… how do we make it worthwhile? How do we make sure we’re doing something that matters?
Stanier says the key to answering these deep (and sometimes elusive) questions is to be ambitious. Doubly ambitious in fact — for our lives and for the world.
Ambition for our lives, as he frames it, is not about money, fame, or status.
“Ambitious for your life means unlocking your greatness and becoming the best version of yourself. Science repeatedly tells us that happiness rarely comes from money or fame or status, even if you’re lucky enough to have any of those; it comes from a life well lived. A life where you don’t let fear or past scars or made-up BS get in the way of growing, refining, and using your talents, exploring your edges, and having adventures.”
Becoming the best version of ourselves, not letting fear or past scars stop us… that alone is no small ambition. And for some, it may already feel like enough — more than enough, even — to be getting on with. And yet Stanier suggests holding a second ambition alongside it.
“Ambition for the world might mean making headlines: starting an organization; inventing a technology; protesting against tyranny; populating Mars. But also consider it at a more intimate scale: building a better relationship; following through on a challenging deliverable; leading a thriving team; returning to study; making and sharing a creative project; chairing a community meeting.”
Stanier urges us to look beyond ourselves, past our happiness. To contribute.
“The test is, ‘Will you give more to the world than you take?’ No matter who you are, no matter how much privilege you do or do not have, you can find a way to give more to the world than you take.”
Which leads me, quite inevitably, to Jane Goodall’s enduring message, “What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”
• • •
Enoughness — an ancient principle that has been modernized and applied to contemporary culture — is sometimes positioned as a softening. A letting go of striving. A decision to be happy with what we’ve got and stop reaching. I’ve always thought of this particular framing as somewhat reductive and missing something crucial to keeping the light that is in all of us and that we ought never extinguish.
Stanier’s discussion of ambition (both for ourselves and for the world), I think, provides the necessary complication. In this light, enoughness can be viewed as not about opting out of effort. Rather, it’s about choosing the right direction for it.
Stanier also frames this often-maligned word, striving, as something worthwhile. We’re not striving for accumulation or self-optimization. We are instead striving for contribution and participation. We’re not striving from a place of inadequacy, but rather from a place of ability. And in that context, why wouldn’t we want to strive?
Ambition for the self asks, How fully can I become who I am? Ambition for the world asks, Where does that becoming actually land? What does it touch? Who does it serve? In these questions, scale or grandness is not demanded or even implied. But they do ask for a quality of our intention and commitment.
• • •
A few months ago, I met a couple who had retired early and had finally permitted themselves to pursue those ambitions they didn’t have time for before. The catch is, they’re treating each one as a project with a five-year window to be all-in. What struck me wasn’t the boldness of their plans or ambitions, but the clarity of their frame. They weren’t chasing more for its own sake. They were being specific about how to use their time, energy, and experience in ways that felt both stretching and sufficient.
On Substack, I’ve recently become acquainted with Mark of 360° Kindness. His core message is about the power of kindness and the hope for us to embrace it for ourselves and for others. I thought of him and his work when I read about ambition for the world.
Contrary to some overly simplistic presentation, enoughness, then, may not be the absence of ambition at all. It may be what keeps ambition from breaking down and collapsing inward. It can be a way of measuring success not by how much we secure for ourselves, but by how generously our efforts extend beyond us.
🏷 Enoughness
💬 last word
Loved this song back in the day. But loving it better now, listening to it as a protest song, which it was actually, and its message for people everywhere to take a stand and make their voices heard.
All my best,
Lou Blaser
Lou Blaser writes We’re All Getting Older, a weekly essay series about change, meaning, and the lives we’re unfolding. She also maintains The Filtered, a digital library for reading, learning, and thinking better.
“The test is, ‘Will you give more to the world than you take?’”
Oof. That line is both bracing and beautiful. It has a kind of moral clarity, but also a tenderness if you read it slowly.
It made me think about how much we “take” just by being human. Space, resources, attention, care. And how easy it is to turn that into shame, like existence itself is a debt. But the way you frame it feels different. More like an invitation into reciprocity, not repayment.
What if giving more than we take isn’t a pressure, but a posture? A way of being in the conversation of life with open hands. That line will echo with me today.
Interesting essay and one that sits nicely with my morning reading from Mark Nepo's book, Awakening where he talks about the greed of wanting everything when it comes to existences. Ambition is great if it doesn't come from a place of lack of insufficiency, but sometimes I find that my ambition or striving for something I want pushes away any time or space to make a difference. I am not a religious person, but I saw a book in a box on the street with the title, God's To Do List. I have taken to asking myself what God would want me to do; spend 2 hours writing or use that time to sit with a friend who just lost her husband, etc. It has been helpful framing for me.