Why We Shouldn't Be Afraid to Think About Our Mortality
It is only distressing if we miss the point.
We don’t like talking about death or dying.
It’s morbid. It brings up sadness and pain. It reminds us that our time is finite.
Of course, death is the one thing that’s universal and a sure thing. Though no one wants to die, we cannot escape it — no matter how rich, beautiful, or privileged we may be.
“Death is life’s agent”
In his famous 2005 Standford Commencement Speech, Steve Jobs shared three stories.
The first was about connecting the dots. The second was about love and loss. And the third was about death.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
Jobs delivered this commencement speech a year after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But according to him, he had always used death as a motivator. He said that he asked himself every morning: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And if he had too many “NOs” in a row, he knew he needed to change something.
The first time I heard about this daily practice, I felt sad. Not because of the thought of death. Rather, it’s because I can recall times when I would have answered NO many times in a row and didn’t make a change. There’s no regaining those lost times.
Memento Mori
The Stoics have a meditative practice called Memento Mori, which translates to “Remember, you will die.”
The practice has a long history that crosses cultures, religions, and philosophies: from ancient philosophers in Greece to Roman generals, from Buddhist monks to Islamic Sufis. Meditating on death allowed them to pursue life vigorously, purposefully, and humbly.
Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations: “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” He used this daily contemplation as a guide to living virtuously each and every day.
Seneca wrote, “Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. […]The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.”
Ryan Holiday, the author of The Daily Stoic, says meditating on our mortality is only depressing if we miss the point. It is a tool to help us define our priorities and meaning.
It’s a tool that generations have used to create real perspective and urgency. To treat our time as a gift and not waste it on the trivial and vain. Death doesn’t make life pointless but rather purposeful.
Bottom Line
Oh dear, have I made this one too morose? Of course, that is not the intent. But this is always the risk whenever we bring up this topic, isn’t it?
I’m hoping to change that. I’d like to be able to have a perfectly rational conversation about this universal fact of life … and be able to think about my own mortality as “the greatest invention of life,” as Jobs put it.
What if, instead of being scared of death, we did the opposite? What if reflecting and meditating on it is a simple key to living life fully?
ADDITIONAL SUGGESTED READING
"Death—what isn’t there to be afraid of? It’s the ultimate end! But while some people dread death, others accept it as inevitable. So why do some people fear it more than others?" Why We Fear Death and How to Overcome It
Video: Before I die, I want to... | Candy Chang | TED Global. In her New Orleans neighborhood, artist and TED Fellow Candy Chang turned an abandoned house into a giant chalkboard, asking a fill-in-the-blank question: "Before I die, I want to ___." Her neighbors' reponses — surprising, poignant, funny — became an unexpected mirror for the community.