"You can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first."
"You can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first."
a Midlifer in Profile: Dawna Kreis
a Midlifer in Profile is a bi-weekly segment of We’re All Getting Older, a newsletter focused on helping us live the best version of ourselves in the second half of our lives.
is a mother of three incredible human beings and “Nana” to two. She’s a (retired) military spouse, and she’s been married for over thirty years.
Dawna considers herself a homebody and loves knitting, crocheting, reading, and writing. But what she really loves is going on trips with her husband, taking their “home on wheels” out into nature, and getting away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
She resides in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina (US), and writes the Substack publication, Garden of the Mental Mystic.
IN WHICH GENERATION DO YOU BELONG?
Generation X: 1965 - 1980
DO YOU WORK? IF SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?
Currently, my everyday "Muggle" job is as the Homeowner Relations Coordinator at one of our local Oceanfront resorts. On the side, I am the caretaker of the Mental Mystic's Garden, an online oasis in which souls worn down by life’s challenges can rest and recharge for a while.
WHAT WOULD THE 25-YEAR-OLD VERSION OF YOU THINK OF YOU TODAY? HOW ARE YOU MOST DIFFERENT FROM HIM OR HER?
I imagine that she would be quite surprised by me, and she'd wonder how I could be peaceful so much of the time. “How can so little bother you? How is it that you're so flexible?”
I have changed a lot over the years. I still have moments when I experience anxiety, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. Back then, I had what I believed to be a clear vision of the way things should or shouldn't be. Much of the anxiety I experienced came from not meeting my own expectations or what I thought others — especially those in positions of authority — expected of me. My inner critic has mellowed over the years, but back then, it could be downright cruel at times.
WHAT HAS NOT CHANGED ABOUT YOU?
My “inner joyologist” hasn't changed — that part of me that knows how to have fun and realizes that laughter is the best medicine.
Although this part of myself has always been there, it is allowed a lot more face time these days. I used to think life was to be taken seriously. One had to put one's nose to the grindstone to get anywhere in life, and there were appearances to maintain if one was to be taken seriously. Not to mention, I was focused on my idea of being a good mom. Keeping little humans alive and healthy takes a lot of energy. Often, there wasn't enough left over for my inner joyologist to play.
GOOD OR BAD, WHAT ABOUT MIDLIFE HAS SURPRISED YOU SO FAR?
I guess it would have to be the realization that I have more years behind me, a realization that has the effect of lighting a fire under your butt. “Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.” — John Lennon. It's SO true. The past 54 years have seemingly happened in the blink of an eye. Knowing that I likely don't have as many years ahead of me makes my desire to live more deliberately and consciously even more acute. I don't want the time that I do have left to get by without my notice.
WHAT ONE HABIT ARE YOU ACTIVELY WORKING ON THESE DAYS?
The one habit that I am actively working on these days is self-care. For years, I put everyone else's needs, wants, and desires ahead of my own. I believed that's what a good wife and mom did. When my body developed and was diagnosed with colon cancer, though, I was forced to realize the truth in what my mom had always tried to get across to me — you can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first.
These days, I'm taking my needs, wants, and desires more to heart. My choices and actions reflect more the love that I am still in the process of developing for myself. I am beginning to treat myself with the love and adoration that I've always had for my family.
WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE PHRASE ‘FULFILLING LIFE’. HOW HAS YOUR PERSPECTIVE ABOUT THIS CHANGED AS YOU GOT OLDER?
It's true that everyone wants to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. I am certainly no different. My perspective of what that is for me has certainly changed over the years. What I need, want, and desire to be happy and comfortable isn't nearly as complicated or detailed as it used to be. When I was younger, I was more focused on things. These days, I'm more focused on the love that surrounds me and the experiences that feed my spirit and soul. Connection (with ourselves, our loved ones, others, and Spirit), I believe, is the most fulfilling gift that any of us can receive in our lives.
WHAT ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT THESE DAYS?
My husband and I are creating the life of our dreams. We are getting things in order so that we can go on the road as full-time RVers. We desire to follow the 70-degree weather throughout the United States. Freedom, adventure, nature, and fun! I can't wait!
IF YOU COULD GIVE SOME WORDS OF WISDOM TO SOMEONE 20 YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU, WHAT MIGHT IT BE?
The years go by more quickly than you think. It's true that life isn't always easy. There are challenges, heartaches, worries, and defeats. Don't get so fixated on what you may consider to be “better up ahead.” Don't wish it away. There are glimmers to be had, even in the shitty moments. It's up to us to look for them and make the most of them while we are able because there is a point in our lives when we will look back and wish we had those moments back. Hug your loved ones and love them as long as you are able. Make the most of the time you have with them because life will swoop in and change. Littles don't always stay little, and our elders won't always be around. Love them with all your might while you can!
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: WHO WAS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER/BAND GROWING UP?
I was head over heels in love with Duran Duran, particularly John Taylor.
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