A Surprisingly Tricky Question

laundry was involved. obviously things got existential.

I was listening to a podcast while folding laundry when the host asked a question that made me pay attention.

“What’s one change you’ve made that significantly improved your life?”

The guest wasn’t prepared for it, you see. You could hear the mental scramble. After a few ums and long preludes, she offered something vague and safe — “more walks, setting boundaries”, that kind of thing.

Of course, being your classic overthinker, I couldn’t let the question go. Not because of her answer, but because I wasn’t sure I had a good answer myself. And that felt somewhat revealing. And also, mildly frustrating. 😬

Shouldn’t I know by now?

If I’m not actively doing things that improve my life, then what the heck am I doing?

“You look like you know where you’re going.”

“What’s one change you’ve made that significantly improved your life?”

We don’t always ask ourselves this question directly, do we? (Or maybe you do, in which case, tipping my hat to you!)

Yes, we can be quite intentional at times. But I think most of the time — more often than we’d like to admit — we float along, making decisions in the moment. Saying yes because it sounds fun. Saying no because it sounds hard. Tinkering. Dabbling. Hoping that somehow, we’ll stumble into somewhere good, or if we’re lucky, a welcomed transformation.

And sometimes, we do.

Back in 2017, I started a podcast — not for anything deeper than because I wanted to. (A dangerous motivation, depending on the week.) And yet, eight years later, I can say without question: it did change me. Not overnight, not in a showy before-and-after kind of way. But slowly and subtly. In the ways I listen. In how I ask questions. In how I think through big ideas out loud.

Aristotle had this idea that we become who we are by what we repeatedly do. He wasn’t a metaphor guy, but if he were, he’d probably say habits shape character like drops of water carving stone. So maybe the podcast didn’t just change how or where I spend my time. It slowly rewired how I show up in the world. One vulnerable conversation at a time.

I didn’t know what the podcast would become, really, when I started it. I didn’t plan for it to be meaningful. But the practice of doing it changed me. And I’m grateful it did.

Still, that question keeps circling, like laundry on a spin cycle:

“What’s one change you’ve made that’s significantly improved your life?”

Turns out, it’s a deceptively hard question. Maybe that’s why the host eventually gave his guest a prompt: “Let’s narrow it down. Just the last three years.”

Fair enough. Sometimes a boundary helps.

And maybe, as Nietzsche might say, you don’t just drift into a new self — you wrestle your way into it. You stumble. You contradict yourself. It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. And then one day, without quite realizing it, you’ve become someone different. Not perfect. Not finished. Just, you know, different.

• • •

I think what trips me up about this question is that it assumes intention. Like all the good things in our lives are the result of careful strategy or impressive willpower. But looking back, I don’t know if that’s true for me. Some of the best things in my life — those that changed me in the best ways — snuck in sideways.

Sometimes what improves us isn’t what we optimized. It’s what caught us off guard. What snuck in while we were busy doing something else.

Aristotle thought change came through practice. Nietzsche thought it came through struggle and becoming. And maybe both are true, but not always in the way we expect. We don’t always set out to change. We just do a thing — because we’re curious, or restless, or it sounds fun — and quietly, almost sneakily, it changes us anyway.

• • •

What do you think? Does this track with your experiences too? What’s changed you, even if you didn’t mean it to?

🏷 Metamorph-ish

💭 not Socrates, but close enough

“What matters isn't if people are good or bad. What matters is if they're trying to be better today than they were yesterday.” — Michael (The Good Place)

➤ Plot twist: this is the whole assignment.

🍹 reader shout-out

Major props to WAGO reader,

Mo__

— easily one of the coolest names I’ve seen in my inbox and someone doing very cool things out in the world.

Mo_ is exploring what happens when we stop rolling our eyes at generational differences and start getting curious instead. Bridging gaps, swapping stories, maybe even figuring out how to connect across those pesky Gen X / Boomer / Millennial / Gen Z divides.

Check out The Generational Lens — it’s the kind of project that makes me feel a little better about the internet.

🍭 echo chamber

In this essay, we talked about our tendencies. Reader

Rayna Diane Hennen

says she’s an obliger with rebel tendencies.

Donna Barthule

says she’s a questioner with rebel tendencies. And

Yi Xue

? She’s tried all four like flavors at an ice cream shop. Respect. Honestly, it’s starting to look like we’re all just rebels at heart. Come tell us about yours.

💬 last word

Not everything changes us on purpose. Some things just sneak up, spin us around, and set us down somewhere new.

Everything is fine,
Lou Blaser
(Vice Deputy of Whatever This Is)