70. How to create possibilities
That we are stuck and seemingly out of options is often a function of which window we're using to formulate the view.
Draw a different frame around the same set of circumstances, and new pathways come into view. Find the right framework and extraordinary accomplishment becomes an everyday experience.
— Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, The Art of Possibility
One of the best skills I learned as an adult is how to reframe.
This wasn't something taught to me by my family of origin, nor was it something I learned in school. (Yet another reason I should have studied Philosophy.)
Reframing was something I learned much later in life. Through friends. Through books. Even through TV shows. (The Good Place! So good!)
I once had a small debate with my friend and colleague, Sean McMullin, about reframing. "Isn't reframing simply wordplay? Or worse, lying to ourselves?", I asked him.
He told me about reframing in the context of taking a photo. How by shifting the frame of the shot just a little bit or by zooming in or out, we can change the captured image.
"Is the new photo a lie? Is it no longer true?", he asked.
Many of the circumstances that seem to block us in our daily lives may only appear to do so based on a framework of assumptions we carry with us.
— Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
Reframing has helped me keep a positive outlook even when things looked dreary. It has helped me avoid pesky misunderstandings and conflicts. It has relieved me of stressful thoughts and kept me on an even keel.
But where reframing has really scored best for me is in getting myself out of ruts. Or in finding new possibilities when faced with seeming dead-ends.
For any single thing of importance, there are multiple reasons.
— M. Scott Peck
Reframing — when it's not something you're used to doing — isn't without friction.
We're hooked on the same way of thinking and reasoning. We get so attached to conclusions we reach based on our set of assumptions.
And oh, how we put such high value on our perspectives! As if they are Truth and forever cast in stone.
We find it hard to believe a different door may exist, if we could just get ourselves to shift our focus on a different wall. And maybe, it's less a door and more of a big window. And perhaps, we'll have to get on a short stool to reach it.
But the way out is there if we can just bear to let go and reframe our view of things.
We take it for granted that our perception of things is as they really are.
— Lee Ross
The good news is reframing can be learned.
Speaking from experience here! Like most things in life, it's a skill that we need not have been born with but can be practiced and honed.
If you're feeling stuck at the moment, disenchanted with life — or maybe overwhelmed by it — try reframing your view.
If it's too hard to do by yourself, ask a trusted person to help you see things differently. (Not someone who will simply commiserate with your 'bad luck'.)
You’ll find even a slight shift in your perspective can make all the difference.
SPONSOR
Today’s issue is sponsored by Midlife Uprising. Founded and hosted by age agitator Yvonne Marchese, this community brings together women of all ages to reimagine what’s possible as they grow older and support each other as they rock their next chapters. Find out more and join the Midlife Uprising Community and continue to make waves as you age.
🔗 building on this
Audio: How Your Beliefs Shape Reality | Hidden Brain hosted by Shankar Vedantam
“The essential idea behind reframing is that the frame through which a person views a situation determines their point of view. When that frame is shifted, the meaning changes, and thinking and behavior often change along with it.” How Cognitive Reframing Works
📖 a fine read
The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life
by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
One of three books I have in hard copy and Kindle version. 😊 “Discover the twelve breakthrough practices for bringing creativity and a sense of possibility into all of your endeavors.”
💬 last word
I’ve been doing this bi-continental living arrangement, where part of the year, I live in the US and part of the year in Asia.
This living arrangement is a product of reframing and repeatedly asking what is possible given my aspirations and circumstances.
What I had originally imagined was, of course, different from the real experience, and there have been many iterations of those initial imaginings. But I would have never even considered this possibility without reframing my view of certain “givens”. And I’d have missed out on novel experiences as a result.
Here’s to a week full of possibilities and ease.
Cool Beans,
Lou Blaser